The Best, or Maybe the Worst, Shore Leave Ever
by fangirlie1314
Summary: Captain Kirk has an amazing idea! The crew needs to become closer, so they should spend shore leave together! Watch as the crew encounters strange situations, and even stranger characters. Can McCoy and Spock get along? Or will this end up being the worst shore leave ever? (I'll post as often as possible:) )
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Star Trek.  
**Star Date: whateva  
Captains Log: It's Shore Leave, and I feel that the crew needs to become closer, so I've decided that we should all spend the entire two weeks together. I have the best ideas ever, I should seriously get an award for this.  
As of right now, we're driving to the house were we'll be staying. That means one whole day of being cramped together in a shuttle, I'm worried about Doctor McCoy's sanity.

Doctor Lenard H. McCoy forced himself not to murder his so called best friend. How was he supposed to enjoy his shore leave when he had to share a freaking house with the entire command crew? Not to mention the fact that he had to suffer not having a window seat for an entire day-long shuttle ride.

"Move over Len, you're pushing me against the window!" A Scottish accent brought McCoy from his grumpy musings. He didn't say anything but moved over slightly, which in turn, bumped Carol.

"McCoy, please kindly scoot over, you're in my personal space." That was it.

"Excuse me! I'm only trying not to pop anyone's 200 foot bubble!" He meant to say that quieter then it came out. Everyone stopped talking, and turned in their seats to face the southern doc. Well, Sulu didn't, but that was because he was trying to drive.

"Doctor, there are no bubbles present in the shuttle, your outburst was not only un-called for, but it was also illogical." Said Spock smoothly,from where he sat next to the window in the middle row.

McCoy narrowed his eyes, " Oh, I'm sorry, I guess we all can't be as logical as you Spock." Scotty and Carol both tried to shift away from the doctor.

James T. Kirk grinned from his spot next to Spock, " I guess he's just mad because he didn't get a window seat." He wiggled his eyebrows in the Kirk fashion.

Spock tilted his head slightly, "I believe the Captain is right, you did seem upset at not getting a seat next to the window."

If the CMO wasn't mad before, he certainly was now. "You and your freaky hair-cut should try trading spots with me, maybe then will you understand my deep pain." He hissed, and then slumped low in his seat, so that only Scotty and Carol could see him. If they dared to look down.

Star Date: Same day, still driving.  
Captains Log: It's been two hours sense McCoy's outburst. He now refuses to talk to Spock until we get to the house. To be honest, I'm enjoying this way too much.

_Thump._ Spock turned sharply to figure out what had hit the back of his head. Upon turning around, he discovered McCoy glaring at him from behind an old fashioned paper filled notebook. He watched as the doctor ripped out a piece of paper and crumpled it into a small ball, he then threw it at Spock. The half-human raised an eyebrow when the light material bounced off his head. He tilted his head slightly, before turning back around. It wasn't long before he felt another wad hit him. He simply sighed and refrained from turning around, instead he pulled out his PADD and started to work on a report.  
_  
Zoom_. This time a paper air-plane landed in his lap. Raising an eyebrow, he began to unfold the peculiar object. On it, he found that Doctor McCoy had drawn a rude picture of him. Captain Kirk, who had been watching this whole thing play out, turned to see what was on the paper. When he saw it, he burst out laughing, and there for breaking the silence that has settled over the small shuttle.

"Oh my gosh!" He clutched his abdomen, tears streaming down his face.

"What's going on back there?" Said Chekov from the passengers seat.

'McCoy drew a picture of Spock." Kirk gasped out.

"Let me see that." Said Uhora, and then she snatched it from Kirk's hands. She looked at it for a few moments before covering her mouth to try and stop the sound from coming out, but failed miserably, "Hahahah!" She put her head in her hands, and tried to calm down.

Carol's head popped up behind Uhora, when her eyes met the paper, she began laughing as well. McCoy smirked from the back seat when he noticed the tips of Spock's pointy ears had turned bright green.

"Da! Can I see the picture?!" Chekov was growing impatient.  
Jim struggled for breath, but he manged to slip the paper from Uhora. He almost had it to the wiz-kid, when Spock grabbed it out of his hands. The half-human rolled down the window, and threw it into the wind.

"Hey! Why did you do that?" The captain had a look of absolute shock on his face.

" It was distracting the driver, which, could have made us wreck." With that said, Spock rolled up the window, and closed his eyes.

"What was it a picture of?" Chekov asked, still curious.

Grinning, Jim started to describe the drawing, " It had Spock's head on a stick figure body, and the eyebrows stretched way over th-" Spock clamped his hand over the captain's mouth. Jim rolled his eyes and removed said hand.

"Fine, I'm sorry it made you _feel_, we won't talk about it anymore." Spock didn't say anything, and just kept his eyes closed. Chekov pouted, and turned back to his conversation with Sulu. Scotty chose this moment to wake up from his nap.

"What did I miss?" He asked sleepily. McCoy suddenly burst into evil laughter, making Scotty wish he had just stayed asleep.


	2. chapter 2

**Ok, second chapter. I'm glad you guys are liking this story! I don't own Taco Bell, or Star Trek.:)**  
Star Date: Still driving.  
Captains Log: We're almost there, as of right now, the crew and I are looking for a place to stop and grab a bite to eat.

" So, who likes tacos?" Sulu asked from the front seat.

"ME!" Shouted everyone except Bones and Spock. Sulu peered in the rearview mirror, and discovered the doctor glareing at a certain Vulcan.

"Ok, Spock, why no answer?" Sulu diverted his gaze from the mirror because he was driving, and quite frankly, McCoy was creeping him out.

"I am unaware with the food known as, "taco"." Kirk raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

'YOU'VE NEVER HAD A TACO!" He yelled very loudly, with caused Sulu to swerve for a split-second.

Spock tilted his head, "No, I have not."

Kirk smiled, and raised a finger, "Then we must have tacos." Clearing his throat he addressed the men in the front seat, "Chekov, set coarse for the nearest Taco joint."

The kid turned on his PADD, and pulled up a map of local fast-food places, "Aye Keptain!"

"Sulu! FOLLOW THE SPEED LIMIT UNTILL WE GET THERE!"

"Aye Captain!"

Star Date: Still the same day people.  
Captains Log: We have arrived at a local Taco Bell. Which is really cool because Taco Bells are hard to find, most of them were torn down, but this one is standing and has all the latest technology. That didn't make it any easier for us to order though.

The small silver shuttle got in the short line at the Taco Bell, Chekov's awesome map-skills made it possible for them to find the place. Sulu turned around to face the crew, " OK, what does everyone want?" He was answered with a chorus of voices, Kirk's being the loudest.  
"One at a time please."_ Why do I feel like the parent of a bunch of five-year old_s? He thought to himself.

"ME FIRST!" yelled Kirk.

Sulu sighed deeply,"What do you want?"

The captain pondered that for a few moments, "I want a..soft taco."  
Chekov typed in Kirk's order on his PADD.

"Next." After about 20 minutes Chekov had finally written everyone's order, except McCoys. Yes, they even had Spock's, which was the same as Kirk's, if you were wondering. Sulu decided to ask the doctor very, very, carefully

" Ok, ummmm, Dr. McCoy?" Asked the helmsmen timidly. The doctor hissed, I mean literally hissed, at Sulu.  
"Ummmm..what do you want to eat?"

"Fried chicken." With that, he slumped low in the seat again.

Scotty widened his eyes,"Can someone switch spots with me?!"

"No!" Yelled everyone.


	3. Chapter 3

**OK, I've got a problem. My mom doesn't have wi-fi, so while I'm at her house, I won't be able to post. I'll only be at her house for a week, counting that weekend, but the next week I'll post again. This may, or may not be the last update untill that time. But, if it is, just know that I'm not giving up on the story, I'm just unable to post. :/ Sorry guys.  
I only own the women, her son, and the plot. Star Trek belongs to Gene Roddenberry. And the new universe belongs to J.J Abrams, and his team of writers. Taco Bell belongs to Taco Bell.**

Star Date: -  
**First Officers Log** : Doctor McCoy's behavior has become increasingly more suspicious, and his outbursts are becoming more and more uncalled for.  
On another tone, I am about to try the Earth food known as, "taco".

Spock watched as his crew mates began to devour their tacos. He had already removed the meat from his own and given it to Jim. He breathed in the warm scent of melted dairy product, and warm bread. Uhura and Carol had taco salads, but the other men had tacos much like his own. He observed Chekov pick up his up from the bottom and take a bite out of it. The russian smiled as he chewed.

"_Hu-hu-hu-hu_." Spock looked beside him, and discovered Jim literally breathing down his neck.

"Captain, may I inquire as to why you are so close to me?" Jim scooted over slightly.

"When are you gonna eat it?" To that, Spock answered in the only logical way, he took a bite.

It all happened very quickly, Spock bit into the greasy, lovely thing. Which made Jim shriek like a little girl, causing him to spill his drink. Which got all over Uhura, and that made her fling a fork full of hot Taco Salad across the shuttle, and when Scotty dodged the blob, it ended up... in McCoy's hair.

The doctor was already mad about several things, the list being quite long, but this was the last straw. And, mind you, there had been plenty of straws, the first one was pulled when he heard about this stupid plan. Then he couldn't fit his favorite slippers in his suit case, and then he didn't get a window seat, and then he got made fun of, and then he had to listen to Scotty snore, and then he couldn't have fried chicken because he "hissed instead of voting", and now this.

Everyone was silent as the glob of food fell out of McCoys hair, and slowly slid down his face. The doctors eyes got really wide, and then his left one started to twitch.

"Let me out of the shuttle, _now_!"

Spock raised an eyebrow, but judging from the look on the CMO's face, it was unwise to say anything. Instead, he moved to the side so McCoy could climb over the seat. He exited the shuttle with a slam of the door.

The crew abandoned their lunch to see what was going to happen.

**Star Date**: I don't care.

**Chief Medical Officers Log**: Just so you know, I hate tacos, I hate pointy eared hobgoblins, and I hate shuttle rides.

McCoy took a deep breath, and yelled a not-so-nice word very loudly. When he was done, he looked into the shuttle window, where he witnessed Sulu cover Chekov's ears, Spock raise an eyebrow, and Kirk burst into laughter.

'Excuse me!" Yelled a womans voice. He turned to the sound.

"What?!" He hollered back.

The women walked up to him, her high heels clicking on the pavement. She tossed her curly blonde hair over her shoulder, and pierced her ruby red lips.

"I HAVE AN EIGHT YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, AND TEN YEAR OLD SON! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING SCREAMING SUCH PROFANITY!" Glancing back at the shuttle, he could see Kirk pointing a finger at him, and probably laughing even harder.

McCoy sighed, "Sorry ma'am."

"You _better_ be." With that, she stomped, as well as a person could in high heels, back to her expensive white shuttle. The kid in the backseat made a face at the doctor as they sped away. McCoy scowled, and walked back to his prison.


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, I'm back! Sorry it took so long for me to update, I was writing my 4-H speech.:/ Anyway, I may have spelled Sulu's first name wrong, if so, please let me know. Thanks  
**_Fangirlie1314

Chief engineer's log: I really wish I didn't have to sit next to doctor McCoy. He's been acting very odd, with random outbursts, and crazy insults toward Mr. Spock. On the bright side, we're almost there. It's just a few more hours now, I hope it flies by.

"Yo! Scotty!" Kirk's blue eyes filled the Scottish man's entire view.

"Yes, Captain?" Kirk furrowed his eyebrows at this, who was Scotty kidding? They're on shore leave, NOT working. First names only.

"Its Jim." Scotty nodded.

" Did ya happen to see the giant rubber band ball we passed?"

"Yep, I've definitely seen bigger."

"I believe I have as well." The conversation continued about who'd seen the "biggest" rubber band ball. Carol and Nyota had a pause in their own conversation, and happened to hear a few words.

"What the junk are you two talking about?!" Carol suddenly blurted out.

Kirk opened his mouth to speak, but Scotty beat him to it, "We're just trying to figure out who's seen the biggest-"

"Never mind! I don't want to know!" Uhura said, and then dramatically covered her ears. Carol huffed, and turned away from the two.

"I wonder whats under their skin?" Scotty asked as he scratched his red hair.

"Beats me, but I've seen some other big things if you wanna hear." Kirk said as he wiggled his eyebrows.

Captains Log: 30 minutes till we arrive! I can't believe everyone survived this far. I have to say I'm proud of my crew. Especially McCoy.

"Are we there yet?" Jim yelled at Sulu.

"No." The Asian said, keeping his eyes on the road.

A few moments passed.

"Are we there yet?" Jim asked Sulu.

"Nope."

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No"

"How about now?"

"Does it look like we're there?!" Sulu said harshly.

Kirk squinted his eyes, "I can't see out the window because of Spock's big Vulcan head." Spock turned to look at Jim.

"Is that an insult?"

Suddenly, McCoy, who has been napping, stopped snoring, "Yes." and then his head fell back onto the seat, and the snoring continued. Everyone was really confused by that, so the shuttle was quite for a few seconds.

'Hey Hikura?" Kirk broke the silence by asking.

Sulu forcefully blew some air out of his nose, "Don't."

Kirk started to open his mouth.

"Don't even.."

The Captain's mouth got wider still.

"NO!"

Wider.

"Stop.." Sulu warned.

"OHHHHHHHH!" Jim suddenly burst out obnoxiously loudly. Sulu eye started to twitch, and Chekov became afraid.

"H-hikuri?" But the tiny voice was drowned out by Kirk

"ARE WE THERE YETTTTT?"

Sulu swallowed forcefully, and began to take deep breaths, and then he started counting. Pavel's eyes got bigger, and the whole shuttle fell silent, save for McCoy's snores, because that man could only be woken if Spock was insulted.

"HEY! WE'RE HERE!" Yelled Chekov suddenly.

"Thank you." muttered Sulu as he pulled up to a 21st century style farm house. It had shockingly red shutters, and snow white paint. Flowers grew along the front, of the wide, oak colored porch, that wrapped around the whole house. A few wicker rocking chairs were posited so they looked out over the trees, and long driveway, a glittering pond could even be seen in the distance.

Everyone had some form of a reaction to the sight, Spock even raised an eyebrow. The shuttle parked, and everyone filed out and went to the back to grab their suit cases. Except for McCoy, who still hadn't woken up.

"Wake up!" Jim yelled in his ear. The CMO didn't even stir. So Kirk began to shake him. It still didn't work.

"Hold up, I got this." Said Chekov in an American accent. Then, in his usual voice, "Spock, you are wery dumb." Spock raised his eyebrow, and opened his mouth, but McCoy had suddenly shot up,

"I know-HEY! WHAT THE JUNK?" Everyone, except for Spock, just laughed.

**Okay, I'm pretty sure this was my funniest chapter, let me know in the comments! I'm starting to develop more ideas for this story, and so, I'm sure it's gonna be good! Thanks for reading! **


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